There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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