Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She is in my trunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am one with the molecules
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
