After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
