I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
