You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
