Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
