TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
