Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
