Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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