I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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