In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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