We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
