I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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