Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
