Well douche your snatch and let's go!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize