When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
