you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
