i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
