I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
