Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
