you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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