Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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