ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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