Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
