It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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