Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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