This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
