I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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