Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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