We're facebook friends in real life
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
