I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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