At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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