We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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