why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
