Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
