Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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