we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
