at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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