Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
