yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
