Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
