btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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