grandma shit on top of the toilet
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
