playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
