i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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