Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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