i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
