Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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