Someone shit on the floor
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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