OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
