you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
pop tarts are not kleenex
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
