Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize