Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
