At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize