Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
