please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
